… and this was BEFORE happy hour

For sure, it’s time to bump up the kegels. I’m not quite to the piss-myself-when-I-sneeze phase yet. But sisters, we know what childbirth does to a girlfriend’s body. And it does suck. Seriously. This morning I had a moment with my kids, and nearly laughed myself into an embarrassing situation. I feel like karma may be requiring the need to offer a moment of empathy-silence for the already-there Depends and Poise pads market. I’m going to cover my bases here. Shall we bow our heads?

Were you doing some kegels just now? ME TOO!

So this morning we were on our monthly shoe size upgrade for my son. Nothing, I repeat nothing grows faster that a teen boy’s feet. This is the first time in his life that he outgrows his shoes before he destroys them. We were watching TV the other night, and I was looking at his massive monkey feet on the ottoman. And I swear to God, people. I could SEE them getting bigger. It’s like fucking corn. I could HEAR them growing.

We had some fun in the shoe department… other than realizing that he’s nearly maxed out the sizing at Target, and will shortly not be able to find shoes to fit him anywhere. Yes, the kid is growing faster than the retail market can keep up with. What the hell? Do ape feet run on my husband’s side of the family? Have you seen my mother in law’s feet? I’m certain it’s his side. Moving along. Maybe I can get banned from next year’s Christmas too.

shopperSo check this out, people. Who knew the Target shoe department had such a sense of humor? It’s like a fun house. Our mirror-placement discovery required a silly photo to share with you all. It was a nearly-Depends-worthy moment. Prompting my realization that I’ve grown far too lax on the kegels.

I think my daughter disappeared, hoping no one would think she knew us. I don’t know many boys who would pose for an epic fun-with-mirrors pic like this. He’s a pretty rad kid. Despite the ape feet.




Happy hump day!
And if it’s not raining where you are, happy dry hump day!


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2 Thoughts on “… and this was BEFORE happy hour

  1. I’m horrified that while reading this…I absent-mindedly started doing my kegels. Madam, you’ve made me work muscles that have no business being worked in this context. :)

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