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This is for all of y’all who have a mother-in-law like mine.
And hopefully that’s none of you.
The 12 Days of the Monster-in-Law Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the second day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
3 scratched CD’s
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
7 too-big Sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big Sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
11 poisoned pop tarts
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
12 used old douchebags
11 poisoned pop tarts
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
aaaaaand a deaaaaaad cat stuck in a treeeeeeee.
*curtsy*
And for the record, the greatest gift she ever gave me was the day she stopped speaking to me. Winner winner, chicken dinner!!
Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone! xo
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