Gummy revolt

If you had four gummy bear vitamins left unattended on your counter, what would you do? Ok, ya, judgy-mommies, if you actually chose to come back after yesterday, I understand you wouldn’t have any gummy bear vitamins. Just play along, ok? (Lost? Read yesterday’s post, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.) I mean, c’mon, these lonely gummies are like the drunks passed out in the corner at a fraternity party. Some things are bound to end up with Sharpie eyebrows. Or worse.

MY gummy bear cannibal scene. Awesome, right?

We’re all about playing with our food here. Technically, I know, this is playing with other people’s food. Which is probably frowned upon in certain social circles. But since we’re the deviants in our circles, whatevs. It’s not like I’d ever make a snowman with a penis out of your mashed potatoes at a formal event. Some people can be so touchy about their mashed potatoes. Anyway, the way I see it, they left the gummies there. So they had to expect that someone like me would come along and mess with them. Am I right?

My thought was if they noticed them, the offending vitamin shunners would pick them up and eat them. Of course the “eat me” theme was already on the table. So I stuck with it, while still trying to hold on to our PG rating. Although I’m pretty sure I’ve already screwed that pooch at some point. Anyway, I went with a gummy bear cannibal scene. I had to step back and admire my work. I will admit that I’d seen this done once somewhere. So I really can’t take creative credit. But timing is everything, my friends.

Yes, it says, “Sacrifice” on the napkin.

But then, check this out. I couldn’t even bask in my own glory for a while. I came back a few minutes later, with all my smug satisfaction, and my son had outdone me. And I may say, handed me my ass. I think he wins this round with the sacrificial bear scene. Well played, Grasshopper. I tip my hat to the rising master. And I bow my head in reverence and defeat.

You’re the man. Now take your vitamins.

P.S. Kids, I never made a snowman with a penis at a formal. They’re lying. It never happened.

P.P.S. To a certain unnamed formal date who knows who he is: ipzay ouryay iplay.

P.P.P.S., yes I know gummies are condoms in German slang. I just didn’t feel like typing “gummy bear vitamins” every time. And it made me giggle. And snort. And it was an opportunity for a fun fact. You’re welcome.

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