How *not* to acquire household help

Learn from my mistakes, people. Not that this would ever happen to any of you. I was off my game. Obviously.

Hubby:  Does this shirt look too short?
Me:        Mmmmaaaaybe a little.
Hubby:  Ya. I’m pretty sure it shrunk.
Me:        You know, I’ve been meaning to complain about that laundress. I think we should replace her.
Hubby:  What?
Me:        Her work is a little questionable. And she’s bitchy. She’s doesn’t even turn the socks right side out.
Hubby:  Um. We don’t have a laundress. You do the laundry.
Me:        Exactly!
Hubby:  But you’re free. Why would we pay someone, when you do it for nothing?
Me:        She’d do a better job?
Hubby:  But you’re FREE. I don’t have to pay you to do the laundry.
Me:        When you think about it, I’m not free. I don’t exactly have inexpensive taste.
Hubby:  (sound of an air mattress deflating)
Me:         And there’s the shoe problem. And the handbag addiction. And let’s not forget the liquor bill.
Hubby:  You’re right. I probably should replace you.
Me:        Um. Wait. I didn’t really think this one through.
Hubby:  You don’t say.
Me:        Well, you know, considering that you’re aware my domestic skills are remedial, at best…
Hubby:  At best.
Me:         … and yet, you still expect me to do the laundry. If you think about it, this is your fault.
Hubby:  (stink eye) Obviously.hmmm-face
Me:        Did you ever consider that your shirts haven’t shrunk?
Hubby:  (screamy) Do you think you’re helping your case at this point?
Me:        Um. I’m going with no?


Maybe crafting an argument after a few glasses of wine isn’t the best plan.

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