If my dog ever had good karma, I’m pretty sure that’s blown to hell now, thanks to Sally Skanktail. As we’ve already discussed (here), mine is already screwed, based upon my interaction with certain lizard friends. But in addition to the fact that my dog is a closet ho, and loves wearing the Sweet Baby Slutbag wig—or she totally would if she could get her paws on it—I spotted her nemesis, Sally Skanktail, this morning flirting with the Buddha statue. And that can only mean one thing. Bad news for my poor little pooch, Lily.
Sally Skanktail is the girl on the yard with the bad, bad attitude, and the rattiest tail a squirrel can have, and still be called a squirrel… rather than a rat. You do know that’s the only difference between a rat and a squirrel is the fluffy tail, right? Ok, that’s a total lie. But Sally is a bit of a rat. She peruses our yard regularly for eatables, which drives Lily, the terrier troll absolutely nuts. Sally knows that Lily is generally captive behind the glass. So she enjoys taunting her with her daily dance of The Nutcracker, performed on the wall. She’s pure evil in a squirrel-fur tutu.
Sally Skanktail doesn’t always know when Lily’s outside, and Lily occasionally gets a good run at her. But Sally always wins the foot race to the tree, where she looks down on Lily and barks at her, and flips her off with her little squirrel paw. Ok, probably not. But that’s how I imagine it. I wish I had some video for you here. Because the entertainment value of the dog barking at the squirrel, and the squirrel barking back at the dog in the same rhythm and cadence is Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom gold. In fact, I’m pretty sure Sally is plotting to kill Lily. I’ve seen it in her eyes. I’m telling you… she’s evil.
So this morning, when I saw Sally caressing the Buddha’s cheek with her mangy tail, I knew exactly what was going on there. The skanky little suck up—she’s trying to line up Lily’s next life assignment. Poor Lily. If she doesn’t start being nicer to Sally, she’s going to come back as a dungbeetle. But little does Sally know, slutting around with a statue gets you no pull with the Karma people. At least I hope that’s the case. Because my own lizard nemesis spends a hell of a lot of time hanging around the Buddha guy, sitting in his lap, and whispering in his ear. So I suppose if there’s something to this, Lily and I could be feasting on the same dung pile some day. And I’m pretty sure I don’t like dung.
This shall not end well, from a universal perspective, for Sally. The minute the tail went up…no good could come from it.
So very true. She’s an evil girl. Thanks for stopping by!