Ok, seriously now. I never intended for there to be countless follow ups on the Lloyd post. Because I just don’t think beating a dead horse (or dead, glue-dipped, glitter-crusted lizard) is necessary. Nor wise. Karma, y’all… right?? I’ll bet some of you have no idea what I’m talking about, so go catch up….
Lloyd and his Tiny T-rex Arms
Lloyd Karma
You’re welcome. Now you know, since you just read “Lloyd Karma,” that the last time I had a chuckle, mocking the peril of one of nature’s children, I received a message from one of Lloyd’s kin. This is some scary shit, people. The universe and I usually try to stay copacetic with one another. Or, at least I do with the universe. I’m pretty sure the universe doesn’t give a flying fart in space about me.
So recent developments tell me that the universe now reads my blog. Which is kind of cool. But a little unnerving. Just yesterday, I wrote about something that made me laugh hysterically when I was twelve. Something that involved two helpless creatures in a predicament. It was pretty twisted. But I had nothing to do with it. And I defy any twelve-year-old to not laugh at that.
Lost again? Jeez… keep up, people. Read yesterday’s post.
You’re welcome. Again. You know, you can subscribe over there on the right, so you can keep up.
ANYHOOOO….. so ya, the universe reads my blog. I know this because right after I posted the piece about Magic Rover, I walked out to grab an iced tea, and there he was. The lizard mafia boss was back. Draped across the chest and shoulder of the Buddha statue like a Miss America sash. And he was giving me the eye. He seemed kind of pissed that I just wrote a piece about finding humor in the dog situation. I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. Bad Karma is mine. I managed to get a pic this time. He was totally flipping me off. It’s hard to see in the photo.
I’m a little worried. I mean, bad shit happens when the universe gets pissed at you. Pissed enough to send the lizard boss to warn you. Right? So, not to be outdone by my Alabama cousin, who is now extending her crafts from glitterated lizards, to stuffed, bedazzled armadillos, dressed in hooker boots, I made a sweetass hat for my lizard pal. I thought a peace offering might help with my ok-ness with the universe. I think it’s pretty rad. Now he looks good chillin’ on my statue out there. I’ve decided from now on his name is Ziggy.
He looks like a Ziggy, right? I’m pretty sure the way he whips his little lizard dreads around that he’s cool with his new persona.
The best part is, since Ziggy has gone all rasta, he’s much more mellow. I think he’s been spending more time in my neighbor’s yard… he grows weed. But I’m just glad Ziggy and I are cool. And I think the hat’s pretty sweet. Right?
Hopefully the universe and I are good for now.
