This is for all of y’all who have a mother-in-law like mine.
And hopefully that’s none of you.
The 12 Days of the Monster-in-Law Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the second day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
3 scratched CD’s
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
7 too-big Sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big Sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
11 poisoned pop tarts
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
and a dead cat stuck in a tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my mother-in-law gave to me,
12 used old douchebags
11 poisoned pop tarts
10 rancid lotions
9 broken flip flops
8 past-date puddings
7 too-big sweaters
6 granny panties
fiiiiiiiiiive mismatched earriiiiings
4 dried cat turds
3 scratched CDs
2 stuffed frogs
aaaaaand a deaaaaaad cat stuck in a treeeeeeee.
*curtsy*
And for the record, the greatest gift she ever gave me was the day she stopped speaking to me. Winner winner, chicken dinner!!
Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone! xo
• • •
Hilarious! Perfect timing Lynn! Moving towards that last gift…but quite there yet, maybe next year. One can only hope.
You’re like the little train who could. But with presents.
Dibs on the sweaters!
But not the granny panties!? 😉