Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes, knows that I am completely and helplessly ADD. My mind is like a bag of fucking squirrels that….. have you ever thought about what that would be like… a knapsack of squirrels? Have you? Like one big, giant squirrel orgy. Whoa… not a pretty sight. And surprisingly loud.
Anyway, hi… some people say reading my rambling is an adventure that usually ends up somewhere completely different from where you bought the ticket to go. But the trip is always by way of the fun route. It’s the same for me. I used to make an attempt to control it. But then I decided that lacked fun and spontaneity. And how boring is that?
Take yesterday, for instance. I was determined to sit my ass down and write… more than my usual blog entry. I’m seriously trying to write a book, people. This is important stuff. (Not really.) So I finished and posted my blog entry and opened the file that has my ramblings, that some day I hope will become a collection of thoughts. Otherwise known as a book. (Ya, right.) This is separate from the novel I’ve been trying to pry out of the shit storm that is my head. The story is in there. I just keep getting in the way of its escape onto paper. Both projects are doomed. Doomed, I tell you. I wish the squirrels in my head would get their nuts out of my way, and just go harass my dog or something.
And, I swear to God, my dog has sleep apnea. She sleeps next to me on the floor. I’m serious. She sounds like she’s having to struggle to breathe. You should hear her right now. Do they make Breathe Right strips for dogs? I’m thinking the hair is probably an issue. Maybe they could make like velcro Breathe Right dog strips? It makes sense, right? I’m a genius, I tell you. Just send me the royalties, Breathe Right people.
So ya, lemme get back to you on what I was going to say. I don’t remember. I think I was talking about squirrels. And my dog. My dog likes squirrels. Actually she likes chasing squirrels. And if she caught one, she’d probably like eating squirrels. But she’s kind of dumb, and I have trouble imaging that she could ever catch a squirrel. They’re all content to sit in the back yard—my dog on the grass, and the squirrels in the trees—and bark at one another. It’s pretty damned funny. My house is like a circus. Or is that my brain? My brain is like a circus. Ya, that’s it.
This is my painting, by the kickass artist, Kelly Reemtsen. Her work is amaaaaazzzzing, and I’m proud to call her a friend. Google her. Swear to God, y’all. You’ll love her work. And apparently she’s kind of a mind reader. That part is a little creepy. Stop that, Kelly.
I have a painting on my circus-house wall. It’s a girl in a beautiful dress, wearing rubber gloves, and bubbles are floating all around her. This is how I feel sometimes. I’m all dressed and ready to go somewhere. But along the way, I remember I’m forgetting to do something. So I throw on the gloves, make a huge mess and forget what the hell I was doing to begin with. And why am I all dressed up? The artist totally got me, without really trying, she captured my essence. Or wait, did she? It’s all kind of like this post. One big non sequitur mystery.
Wait. What? I was saying something about squirrels. Right?
Any chance you’d like to sell me that painting? I adore Kelly’s work.
Oh my goodness, I’ve been terrible at keep up with this blog, Tina. So sorry for taking so long here. Re the painting, not a chance. My hubster had Kelly paint it for our 20th anniversary. You can visit her site that will direct you to galleries where you can grab your own “Kelly.” Mine means the world to me!