Category Archives: Pure Awesome

If you’re jonesing for someone to play “pull my finger” with… here you go, toot your little heart out. Promise me you’ll try clicking the screen in different places for a variety of flatulence faire. Have a fartalicious time, my friends. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

Now here’s something I never knew I needed. A life preserver for the girls. Huh. I guess some are worth saving. I think I’d let mine drown. And then get a new pair. Seriously. Who knew boobs didn’t float? And that this was a problem? Want one?

 

 

I think we can all agree that it sucks not knowing who you’re waking up with. It’s pretty awesome that Post-its has figured out a viable solution. Way to go, Post-its.

 

 

 

This goes without saying, right? I think I need this. Can someone tell me where I can find one of these?

Please. Found it! Thanks Karel!!

 

 

 

This dog has asked that a flaming bag of crap be placed on her human’s doorstep.
She’s willing to provide the crap.

Please hurry. (more info)

 

 

 

 

 

And in honor of the last day of school, after all the children went home, the PTA got together in the lounge and had an herb exchange, and admired Principal Smith’s sweet new vase.

Rock on, Principal Smith. You’re an inspiration.

Happy summer!

 

 

All I can say is,
if you’re going to put dildos out there,
people are going to pick them up
and act like nine-year olds with them.
I’m pretty sure, faced with a plastic purple penis,
everyone turns into a nine-year old.

(Someone sent me this photo. Anyone have a cred?)

 

 

 

This is the most snortworthy  video of the week.
Possibly of the year so far.

•••

I felt a little bad for the kitten. But then I remembered they grow into cats.
And cats are dicks. So, anyway.   Ya….. Here you go.

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No children died in the making of this video. I don’t think. Though I can’t be certain.
My German is rusty. And by that, I mean I can order beer and ask where the bathroom is.

Only a German would go ahead and post a video in which his kid got squished like a bug.
Oh, you silly Germans.

•••

 

 

 

Happy Friday, y’all!
I hope your weekend is
better than the best dump
you’ve ever taken.

In. your. life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

•••

Religion explained.

…now I get it.

•••

SNORT.

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I am. dying. laughing. You have to click the image below and check this out…

•••

If you need a cute-fix, here’s the stuff, right here…

 

And finally, your deep thought for the weekend….
No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize the cat.

Happy Friday, everyone!

 

Whoa, cool. It looks like there just might be help out there.

 

 

 

 

 

CHECK THIS OUT, YOU GUYS.
Wombats shit bricks. I swear, people. They poop cubes. Check it out for yourselves. And apparently some weirdos make wombat-turd paper? Now I’m imagining dog poop in a wombat poo paper bag. That should burn like a stinkass son-of-a-gun, huh? I may need to commit that to memory for future use. •••  Want more?

 

SERIOUSLY!? I’m thinking most boys know that boning a hornets’ nest is a bad thing. But I guess there truly are guys out there who will poke anything that moves. A+ for bravery. F for unadulterated, (or would it be adulterated?) stupidity. Dude, even I know you don’t go poking a hornet’s nest. Jeez.

Doesn’t Sweden have SWEDISH bikini models? Was this hornets’ nest the best option for this guy?

 

Here’s a couple of videos that I had to share…
I did not think I could possibly like this song any more than I do. Or than I don’t. Whatever. This version rates a solid Five Depends on the pee-yer-pants scale.

I’ve never lived alone. But I could totally see myself turning into this chick. She must eat brussel sprouts. Don’t you think?

Enjoy your holiday weekend. I’m going to go see if I can find some wombat-crap paper. I’m just weird that way.

I’ve felt kind of like the hamsters in this video for most of this week. (Watch this. It’s funnier than anything I’m going to write here.) I’ve been a little busy. And people are annoying the shit out of me. And won’t get out of my way while I’m trying to do important stuff. Like writing my blog. Really important stuff, people. I’m sure the hamsters can relate.

I’ve seen some things that cracked me up this week. And I thought I’d share some of it. Like this. Check it out, you guys… I hate it when I forget to listen to my brain before I speak. But I like it when others do. You’ll love this. I swear.

And here’s a thought for the next time someone cuts you off on the 405 during rush hour… Watch this. (Fast forward to 1:00 in.) I think this is way better than flipping someone off. And far more effective at telling someone how you really feel. But if you do this, don’t take video… as much as I’d love to see it. It would be admissible in court.

Or you can do like I do in traffic, to keep myself from shitting into someone’s sunroof. NO, I wouldn’t do that. I was talking about the cat in the previous video, that if you watched it you’d know what I’m talking about. Keep up, y’all. In traffic, I prefer to daydream about vacations. We just booked ours for the summer. I’m already getting flight anxiety. Breathe. Breathe. I’ve never seen anyone sum up a transatlantic slice of hell better than this. So funny. (As I rethink my upcoming flight to Dublin.) Shit.

If you still need a giggle, check this out. I have no idea who this guy is. But I love him. Poor James. He needs to pick his friends more carefully.

And if all else fails, amuse yourself. My son suggests drawing a penis sword to fight the dragon. (You’ll see what I mean.) He says it’s way funnier. Ya. He’s weird like that. I have no idea where he gets this shit.

I hope your weekend is as fabulous as a titty scarf. Or a flying cat with delusions of grandeur. Happy Friday, y’all!

Ok, I’m phoning it in today. But I’ve done a little legwork, so I can still offer you a giggle and a snort. Ok, maybe the snort is just mine. I love this commercial. It inspires me to go out and play. Which is what I intend to do today. The brilliantly creative, Tyler and his friends at Broadscotch came up with this gem for Anthem/Blue Cross. Enjoy, y’all!